Be careful what you pray for...

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Be careful what you pray for because you might get it."? That is the story of my life. don't get me wrong. I love my life. I have a great life. I have everyhing I ever (thought) I wanted.
and now, here i am, in my mid 30's, married with children, stay at home mom, and doer of not a lot. I seem to have lost myself amidst all the dreaming and praying for what I wanted...and getting it only to find that it's not as exquisite as I expected it to be.
It's january 8th today. I'm starting this blog for me. I don't think anyone will read it, but it is cheaper than therapy.
I am married to my best friend. He really is more than I could have ever hoped for in a spouse. And I have wonderful kids. And I prayed to get them. I begged and pleaded with God to please bless me with children. And He did. And then I discovered what I was getting into. Not exactly what I had planned on. I do love being the mom. I love being the wife. I just struggle with it. I don't know why.
I never expected motherhood to be easy. But I didn't expect it to be this hard, either. And now it's calling me away from the computer. So this post will be finished later.